Explaining a death or a tragedy to your children is one of the hardest tasks any parent has. It can be incredibly hard to explain tragedies and deaths to young children, as well as to help them process it. How children deal with the loss depends on things such as how old they are, how close they felt to a loved one, and how much support they received.
It is important for children to realize, as much as possible depending on their age, that the loss is not temporary, nor did it cause them to lose their favourite family pet. Death is part of life, so it is important that you help your children get used to the idea that people (and pets) do die from time to time. Talking with your child about some ways that people die is a difficult conversation but may be essential for them to learn about death and how they are feeling about it.
Talking with a child about death may help them feel better supported and safer. It may also be helpful to have another adult support you as you speak to a child about death. Talking about someone who died helps you both cope with your grief, whether it is telling stories, looking at pictures, or simply continuing to mention them in small ways.
When a loved one or an important person has died, make the time to explain it to your children soon after. If a loved one’s death means changes to your child’s life, quell any worries or fears by explaining what is going to happen.
To deliver the news that someone has died, address the child with care. Talking with a child about the death of someone they are close to may be hard. When someone they loved died, children experience grief in many ways and express it.
Seeing how you grieved throughout your loved one’s death, and for long after, can help children understand it is normal and healthy to grieve and be sad following significant loss. Grief may seem overwhelming and challenging to you, but remember to set aside time to help children affected by death. In situations when children are experiencing a loss, it is important to be aware of the best ways to support them, particularly when it involves a parent’s death.
To help ensure that this conversation is done as well as possible, know how children usually conceptualize death and dying at each level of development (a certified Child Life specialist can do this for you). Younger children may not be aware of the meaning of death, so you may have to describe it to them, making sure that they understand death does not disappear. Talking about death can make the child more comfortable asking those questions, and they may be able to talk about how they are feeling.